I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
