i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
