I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
