Sponge bath it is.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
