Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
