I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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