my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
