does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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