I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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