hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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