Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it hurts more in the daytime
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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