Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
