i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize