How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I love you. Go after that dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
