True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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