I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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