my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize