And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
