I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
