You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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