Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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