Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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