just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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