so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
