He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
