please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
