Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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