So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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