We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
