I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
