Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
