Don't you send me to vm
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
