batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
