He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
