she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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