Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
