Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
