i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize