In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
