he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
