i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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