Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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