i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
