I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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