When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
