So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
