im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
