I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
