I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
