Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
