I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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