It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
