whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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