@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
