but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
