i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Randomize