I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
