I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
These tits shall not be calmed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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