Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
