I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
