I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dick very happy bro
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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