Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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