Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
