That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
