Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
