hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize