ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
