soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just pee around me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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