Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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